Understanding the Fawn Response: When People-Pleasing is a Trauma Response

When we think of trauma responses, most of us are familiar with fight, flight, or freeze.

However, there is a lesser-known response called "fawn," which involves prioritizing the needs of others to avoid conflict, secure safety, or gain approval. This response is often rooted in early experiences of relational trauma, particularly in environments where expressing our needs or emotions felt unsafe.

What is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response comes from therapist Pete Walker, and describes a survival mechanism in which people placate, comply, or appease others as a way to prevent real or perceived harm.

This pattern often develops in childhood when a person learns that the best way to stay safe is to meet the expectations of caregivers, suppress their own needs, and avoid confrontation. Over time, this can lead to a habit of people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and a loss of connection to one's own authentic needs and desires.

How the Fawn Response Manifests

The fawn response can show up in various ways, including:

• Over-apologizing: Feeling responsible for others' emotions or trying to diffuse tension by taking on blame.

• Chronic people-pleasing: Prioritizing others' needs at the expense of our own well-being.

• Difficulty saying no: Feeling intense guilt or anxiety when asserting boundaries.

• Fear of conflict: Avoiding disagreements, even when something is important to you.

• Over-attunement to others: Constantly scanning for others’ emotional states and adjusting behaviour accordingly.

  
  

The Fawn Response and the Nervous System

Like other trauma responses, fawning is deeply tied to the nervous system. When a person experiences relational trauma or grows up in an unpredictable environment, their nervous system learns to adapt by keeping them "tuned-in" to others' emotions and needs. Over time, this tuning can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Many people who engage in fawning struggle with feelings of resentment, burnout, and a sense of losing themselves in relationships.

Shifting Out of the Fawn Response

You can heal from a predisposition to being stuck in a fawn response. Healing involves reconnecting with your own needs, developing self-trust, and learning to set boundaries.

Some key steps include:

• Building self-awareness: Noticing when and why you engage in people-pleasing behaviours.

• Practicing boundaries: Learning to say no and getting to know the parts of you that may feel discomfort with this.

• Developing self-compassion: Recognizing that your fawn response was a survival strategy and offering yourself kindness as you unlearn it.

• Regulating the nervous system: Engaging in mindful practices that provide safety, soothing, and internal compassion.

• Therapeutic support: Working with a therapist to help explore the roots of the fawn response and develop healthier relational patterns.

  
  

Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

While fawning may have once been a necessary strategy for survival, it is possible that it may not be something that fits you authentically in the here and now.

By recognizing and addressing the fawn response, you can begin to honour your own needs, communicate with confidence, and build connections that feel safe and fulfilling.

At Revive Counselling, we support individuals in understanding their trauma responses and developing healthier ways of relating to themselves and others. If you recognize yourself in this pattern and want support in reclaiming your voice, we invite you to reach out for a consultation.

You don’t have to keep prioritizing others at the expense of yourself. Healing is possible.